if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Quick, to the slutcave!
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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