1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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