"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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