I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
