I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
