just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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