Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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