And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
