You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
