Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
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I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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