I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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