im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
