Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
