respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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