but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
