"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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