FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
