all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
