so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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