Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
