so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
