I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
