I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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