you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
