Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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