She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
