he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
