I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I look excited, but its just a facade.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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