Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
