she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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