Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
You're like the curious george of whores
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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