I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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