I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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