i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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