Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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