Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Randomize
