Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
