There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Randomize
