from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
