We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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