Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Randomize
