Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize