Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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