wanna go halves on a baby?
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
