our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize