I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
