covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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