i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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