It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
