I accidentally had phone sex last night
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
