I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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