i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
