I must be too annoying 4 u.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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