Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
