I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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