6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
