Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
