i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
