ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
