She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I'm determined to sit on that face.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
