I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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