one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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