Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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