i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
