She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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