Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
My Higher Power is John Stamos
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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